It is not right for women to be as thin as they try to be in America. When they try to be thin, they do not eat enough and they make themselves starve. It can be just as hard to recover from the other extreme of eating too much. Such is the case with my friend, Jane, who went from the extreme of over thin to the other extreme of overweight and now she is a closet eater.
Her harmful habit of overeating affects her waistline, her health and our friendship. Thin, blonde, even-featured with straight hair and blue eyes, Jane was a vision of cultural perfection, circa 1952. She was Miss Tennessee and the queen title brought only admiration from men and friends. But after three marriages and one child, she is today about 200 pounds. Jane takes great comfort in food, especially sweets. Years of abusive relationships and child rearing contributed to her low self-esteem about her figure which once was her pride.
As her friend, I encourage her to be open about her habit. We go out to lunch, and while I order a three-course meal, Jane orders a salad. We both know that she is hungry and later she will devour the food from the pantry in the privacy of her home. I urge her to have some wine with me or maybe an appetizer.
“I couldn’t right now, I am not that hungry,” she says. As for the desert list, she pretends she is not even interested. For now we play the game and pretend that nothing is wrong. I try to overlook Jane’s super-sized black clothing that she uses to hide her waistline. Our shopping is never in the clothing department.
“I think shoes is all I need for the house-party,” Jane says. As a former Miss Tennessee, Jane has an eye for beauty. Last week, when we both were coming out from work, we noticed a shapely young lady. Nostalgically my friend says, “I used to be like that.” It is hard to ignore the diabetes medication and to avoid the word “fat.” My friend’s health is in serious trouble. I lost count of how many different kinds of pills she needs to take. She struggles against this eating habit, tries to avoid help, yet feels pushed to follow medication.
The pretense that everything is all right gets in the way of our friendship. The weight subject is taboo and sometimes I think it weighs more than Jane herself. Certain words are black listed and we mastered the art of conversation with no conflicts; the tight control I have when talking to Jane is strenuous. However, Jane is my friend and I love her the way she is.
It is not my role to judge or to impose fancy diets on her. With time and patience, I am hoping to reach to Jane’s pain and discuss, out in the open, her little problem called closet eating. I can only let her know that she has my help unconditionally, and no matter what, together we will overcome this problem.