Issue: Communication between man and woman Communication is a crucial part of our daily lives which can be interpreted in various ways. Although, many couples think they have no problems communicating with each other; however, the issue among genders still exists. Learning to talk and listen can improve relationships in many ways. Therefore, Deborah Tannen, John Gray, Susan Page, and John Gottman focused on improving communication skills between genders. According to Deborah Tannen, a linguistic professor of Georgetown University, men and women talk differently and sometimes it might be very complex as she stated that many coupes “grew in diverse cultures.” Men consider communication as a primary language of “report.” They feel more comfortable engaging in a conversation during public speaking which is more focused on performance. Attention from others usually comes from being on top of any conversation they might have.
On the other hand, for women the language of communication is primary a language of “rapport” (Tannen 10). Women do better job initiating private conversations between each other in the less crowded environments. Females are more focused on negotiating relationships and comparing them to others. Conversations between the two genders are engaged in different times and the subject of conversation is usually dissimilar. Author John Grey an inspirational speaker and writer on relationships between men and women, succeed with a book titled “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.” According to Grey, women and men speak different languages and hold opposing views. Words in their language might have a different meaning.
The way men react to woman’s needs and questions could be misleading for women and vice versa. Gray is able to construct the dictionary that he calls: “The Venusian/Martian Phrase Dictionary”, where men are Martians and women are Venusian’s. However, learning phrases that the two genders use on every day basis could improve understanding; the lower the risk of engaging in arguments, could gain an experience of resolving them in proper and peaceful way. Many of people in the world found Grey’s descriptions match their own experiences. According to the Grey, women have to learn about men before developing joyful successful relationship (Gray 21).
When man are upset or stressed they automatically stop talking and go to their “cave” to work things out (Gray 21). At this moment a woman must understand that her spouse wants to figure out his problems on his own, with out her help. According to Gray, men also need to be aware that women like to share and talk things through in a non-solution-oriented way (35). Man need to also understand that when their spouse is troubled, depressed or upset, he needs to make her feel loved even when she can not love herself (Gray 35). Another author who specializes in concept of achieving ability to communicate better in the relationships is Susan Page. She has a master’s degree in theology and has directed women’s programs at the University of California at Berkeley.
Page is an expert in conducting relationships workshops, she is mostly concern with learning communication rules. The communication rules are very helpful for the relationship to last for a long period of time. Learning those rules will help people give more to the spouse they love. People communicate every day, learning how to talk to each other could be very helpful for a healthy relationship. By implementing the right techniques to resolve conflicts and start understanding each other will help couples achieve their goals.
Fallowing Page’s rules gives couples ability to resolve conflicts, arguments and understand what they might want from their life. Susan Page gets her expertise’s from workshops discussions, interviews with happily married couples and her own personal experiences. Page statistically found out that many couples have poor knowledge on how to communicate with each other. Studying real life situations helped her come up with the solutions that are design for couples to communicate successfully. Issues covered in her article are very important and should be fallow by others who would like to appreciate each other better. Conversationally speaking, being not able to distinguish the differences that women are “feeling sharers (F) “and they always try to get some support, and men are “problem solvers (PS) “, they always want to get to the point and solve the problem.
Men and women would not know each others speaking style, and their conversation would be very frustrating. Page calls this com peering “the F/PS rule” (Page 33). Therefore, communication rules should not be reserve for special occasions but should be use wisely at all times. John Gottman, a professor of psychology at the University of Washington, who has spend most of his career as an academic researcher in his writing explains how to incorporate the four strategies for a long lasting and a healthy marriage. According to Gottman, the major issue is to break the “cycle of negativity” and ability to understand the right way to resolve problems. To stay positive and optimistic during a relationship would cut down the rate of divorces in the country.
He thinks that the key is not only understand these strategies but also use them so often that they become a second nature (Gottman 45). Author is so positive and optimistic about his work that he has done over the past few years. Gottman is capable of predicting divorce with a very high percentage. For many married couples those clues are so important that they maybe very helpful in succeeding in a long lasting, healthful marriage. Gottman in his studies focused not only on speaking, but he also examined gestures, facial expressions and even heart rates that are visible during conversation. The major discovery of the author is that the main reason marriages fall apart because couples do not know how to deal with areas of disagreement.
Gottman’s recipe for a good marriage is very simple; as long as a couple has more positive then negative moments in communication they have a greater chance for a better marriage. For some seems that his thesis is too simple to be true, although he thinks that being motivated and hard worker pays off in a future. For some people, the information covered by all authors could be very helpful, but some could disagree with it. Elizabeth Gleick a senior writer at “Times” magazine disagrees with John Gray’s discoveries. She thinks that Gray is not original and all he tried to achieve is not to resolve many differences between men and women but to get fame and rich. According to Elizabeth Gleick, money is the only thing that drove Gray to writing the books (Gleick 75).
Gleick is very frustrated that Gray only addresses women to understand men, and not men to understand women, and without any supporting material in his book it’s hard to believe how he got to his conclusion. She can not understand that someone like Gray could compare all men and all women the same. Communication, is a crucial part of daily lives, and can be interpreted in various ways. Using various techniques suggested by authors could be helpful for a loving and long lasting relationship.
This material could be very useful for some, and only practice can bring successful results. In conclusion, having a perfect relationship is impossible. However, making it successful takes time and hard work. Works CitedGleick, Elizabeth. “Tower of Psychobabble.” Writing the World. Eds.
Charles R. Cooper and Susan Peck MacDonald. New York: Bedford/St. Martin’s, 2000. 74-77.
Gottman, John. “The two marriages: His and Hers.” Writing the World. Eds. Charles R. Cooper and Susan Peck MacDonald. New York: Bedford/St.
Martin’s, 2000. 43-59. Gray, John. “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.” Writing the World. Eds. Charles R.
Cooper and Susan Peck MacDonald. New York: Bedford/St. Martin’s, 2000. 16-25. Page, Susan. “Essential traits of couples who thrive.” Writing the World.
Eds. Charles R. Cooper and Susan Peck MacDonald. New York: Bedford/St. Martin’s, 2000. 25-43.
Tannen, Deborah. “Put Down That Paper And Talk To Me!” Rapport-Talk and Report Talk. Writing the World. Eds. Charles R.
Cooper and Susan Peck MacDonald. New York: Bedford/St. Martin’s, 2000. 8-16.